Hilarious TV Quotes
Ari Gold to his soon to be partner

From Entourage Episode The Release
I knew you liked dick, Babs, but i didn’t realize you were a cocksucker.

Ari Gold Entourage

From Entourage Episode Gotta Look Up To Get Down

Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me Ari?
Ari Gold: Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd..

Entourage Ari Gold screaming at Lloyd

From Entourage Episode Sorry, Ari
Ari Gold: Why the fuck did you just tell him that I had a more important lunch? You think that’s gonna put a smile on his face?
Lloyd: What did you want me to say?
Ari Gold: That I have a huge wart on my cock that needs removal would’ve been better! Wake the fuck up Lloyd!

Entourage Ari Gold to Lloyd

From Entourage Episode Exodus


Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari Gold: I can’t swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.

From The Big Bang Theory Episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
Sheldon: Okay, look, I think you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering that at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

From The Big Bang Theory Episode The Fuzzy Boots Corollary

Sheldon: Okay, look, I think you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering that at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

From 30 Rock Episode “Black Tie" (Season 1)
Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age. Liz: I’m 12 years younger than you. Jack: A woman your age, then.

From 30 Rock Episode “Black Tie" (Season 1)

Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
Liz: I’m 12 years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age, then.

From The Big Bang Theory Episode The Griffin Equivalency
Sheldon: I’m not insane … my mother had me tested!

From The Big Bang Theory Episode The Griffin Equivalency

Sheldon: I’m not insane … my mother had me tested!

From 30 Rock Episode “SeinfeldVision” (Season 2)
Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: America’s Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog, MILF Island. Liz: MILF Island? Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules. Liz: Oh yeah, didn’t one of those women turn out to be a prostitute? Jack: That doesn’t mean she’s not a wonderful, caring MILF.

From 30 Rock Episode “SeinfeldVision” (Season 2)

Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: America’s Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than a Dog, MILF Island.
Liz: MILF Island?
Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.
Liz: Oh yeah, didn’t one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn’t mean she’s not a wonderful, caring MILF.

From The Big Bang Theory Episode Pilot
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

From The Big Bang Theory Episode Pilot

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

Weeds Season 7 Episode 7 - Playing With Fire!

Weeds Season 7 Episode 7 - Playing With Fire!

Weeds Season 7 Episode 7 - Intro

Weeds Season 7 Episode 7 - Intro

Jersey Shore Snooki gets mad

Jersey Shore Season 4 Episode “Italy Gets Smushed”

Snooki cursing out Mike ‘The Situation’

Jersey Shore Jwoww and her boobies

Jersey Shore Season 4 Episode “Italy Gets Smushed”

Jwoww and her boobies are going to Italy

Ari Gold messing with his wife

From Entourage Episode The Young and the Stoned


Mrs. Ari (talking about the soap opera she was asked to play in): Tell me that it’s exiting, and that if I did it I would be good

Ari Gold: It’s a soap opera baby… there is no good, there’s just degrees of bad.

Mrs. Ari: Well, then tell me that I would be pretty. As pretty as the day I left the show.

Ari Gold: Well you left the show when you were 25 and now they shoot everything in hi-def.